In December of 2008, I posted this terrible video of a “Squirmles” toy. (For those unfamiliar, they’re cute, fuzzy worms that you manipulate with an “invisible” string.)
Since I was one of the few Squirmles video producers who spelled the brand’s name correctly, this horrible video has been wildly popular. So far, it’s achieved more than 180,000 views.
The video does nothing for me. Not more than a handful of its viewers have any idea that I run a website, or that I’ve uploaded dozens of equally bad videos that deserve attention, too. It just sort of sits there, aside from me but somehow still a part of me.
Every now and again, I check out the comments. So many of them are insane. I don’t know what it is about fuzzy worm videos that draws all of the world’s psychopaths out from their dens of sin, but reviewing these comments is simultaneously thrilling and horrifying.
Unfortunately, YouTube users come and go, and I’ve noticed that a lot of the best (worst) comments are getting lost when the authors’ accounts go boom. This shit really needs to live forever, so here are several of my favorites:
I got too attached to it a wire
TOY COMPANIES STOP MAKING FUZZY DICKS
:O no body like a blue fuzzy condom that moves AND THE FACT ITS ON LIKE A CHRISTMAS DAY >(christmas music)
it looks like something that would try to crawl up my dick out of the amazon river
i dont think so its fun when u have younger cousins and you live in a town where they dont even sell them. i had to go to a toys r us in another city to find them and they entertain me
thumbs up if u saw string
I’m not mad that this is a really dumb video. I’m mad that I was dumb enough to watch the whole thing cause I thought it was going to get bettter.
i got 1 4 christmas its cool but i actually fought dea was a magnent but dea is a black strng no wonda y dey wear black tshirts!
i called my squirmles wiggly he’s smooth my dad teach me how to do
omg its a fucking worm shaped puppet…fuck!
if it looked like a fucking yellow duck youd probably watch this video over and over cuz u love yellow ducks.if it looked like a yellow duck youd probably be fucking it
oh yes. so hot. oh baby, oh baby? XD lmfao. I need new pants now. XD
what gives man i gave you my soul i gave you my soul for years and this stupid video has more views than everything else i’ve done combined man that sucks
Okay. That last one was mine.