Paper Seinfelds on Parade.

Even as a natural packrat, it takes something really special to make me hold onto empty boxes of Kellogg’s Low Fat Granola from 1992.

Cardboard cutout Seinfeld figures? Yes, this is special.

I’m used to cereal promotions catering to the pre-tween set. Were kids really that into Seinfeld, or did Kellogg’s actually expect adults to go through with this?

The proof is in the brand: No kid would ever eat Low Fat Granola. “Non-Raisin Blend,” to boot.

You know what? Good for Kellogg’s. The world could use more adult-oriented cereal prizes. Coupons and almond torte recipes don’t count. Let them have their four inch paper Kramers.

The box suggests placing the cutout figures around your cereal bowl. It was fun for a minute. Then it got creepy.

They all look like they’re up to something. These aren’t normal or relaxed poses for the Seinfeld gang. Jerry is trying way too hard to look natural, and Elaine is obviously using a hip shake to draw attention away from the kamikaze bomb strapped to Kramer.

These cardboard Seinfeld figures were sent from 1992 to kill me. They don’t care if they go down with me.

I just don’t get why this couldn’t have waited until tomorrow. At least then they’d have reached 20.

George can’t believe that he’s in my Cocoa Krispies. Is this a dream or a nightmare?

And what’s Jerry doing back there? What is he hiding? Is it the remote for the Kramerbomb? What did I ever do to these people?

Is this even real? Did I really spend New Year’s Eve with cardboard Seinfelds loitering around my breakfast? Have I started doing drugs again? Is my real name Jimmy? Why are the colors making so much noise? Who stole my floating pet rhino?

Happy New Year. Unless it’s really Easter? I wouldn’t be surprised. Nothing will ever surprise me again.

whaaaat is happening to meeeeeeeeeeeeee

  1. scottschaaf reblogged this from x-entertainment and added:
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    dear god
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  10. marionemesis reblogged this from x-entertainment and added:
    I would totally start eating cereal for breakfast just for these.
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